You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

Or can you? As 2009 comes to an end, a new year is looming: full of promises and possibilities. However, there are many of us, I'm sure, who don't see it that way - myself sometimes included. We're thinking to ourselves, "I've been this way for so long, there's no way I can change." Whether it be: habits, relationships, careers, or whatever else - it's easy to not want to change. It's easier to believe that change is not possible.

Experience and observation support that claim. How many times have you seen people attempt change and fail. How many, "I'm going to start working out this year" have you heard, only to later be told, "I went to the gym religiously for about two weeks, but I can't do it anymore."

If I know I can't do it, why the hell should I even try in the first place? How many people want something better in life, but are too afraid to pursue that desire? When it comes down to it: change is scary. If things get bad, there's no "undo" button for life.

But, you know what? Change is possible and sometime extremely rewarding. Experience and observation support that too. Look here:

Julia Child:

This lady went from a government spy to famous chef. Talk about major career change. Entering cooking school at the age of 36, she became a culinary master.

Hellen Phillips

At the age of 48, Hellen entered The Biggest Loser weighing in at 257 pounds. At the end of the season, she weighed a mere 117 pounds - dropping from a size 22 to a size 2.

Yes, I know those are extreme examples. But look around you and you will see success stories everywhere. There are always people who manage to fix the part of them, or their life, that they felt needed fixing. Don't write off small successes and don't be plateaued by big ones. The most successful people are the ones who never stop wanting more. The ones who want to be better and act on that desire. Because, let's face it, things can always be better.

So here's to all of you: May your new year be full of positive changes. Persevere through the challenges. Win your battles. Learn from the ones where you lose. I wish you the courage to pursue change and hope that this year brings you one step closer to being the person that you want to be. Go on, now: start writing your own success story.

Happy New Year, everyone!

(photos courtesy of cinemapassion and NBC)

Life Equations?

When you ask people who study numbers why they love math so much, one of the main responses you hear will be, "Equations don't lie. There's no subjectivity, you follow the equation and get the answer that you're looking for."

In my many years of schooling, I've always wondered why life's questions couldn't be simplified into these unquestionable equations. But, when your focus is numbers and you're living life, the two eventually mix. Well, for me, at least. So let's take a stab at it.

Love and relationships. Without a doubt, when it comes to them, uncertainty is certain. You are never 100 percent sure of how the other person feels. You're never even 100 percent sure of how you feel. And we all know it, unrequited love doesn't work. We beat ourselves up for always questioning it. Always wondering. Telling ourselves that we're so stupid for feeling so unsure. But, it goes back to high school math. Maybe the things they teach you did stick. When it comes down to probability, the answer is right there. You're right in all your questioning.

Let's start with these simple equations of probability:

(Now, before I lose you, I promise - it's not as daunting as it looks.)

P(A) = the probability that you love your significant other

P(B) = the probability that they love you

P(A or B) = the probability that one of you loves the other

P(A and B) = the probability that you BOTH love each other

P(A and B) = P(A) x P(B)

P(A or B) = P(A) + P(B) - P(A and B)

Let's apply this to life.

Let's say you're with someone - and you're pretty sure that you love them, but there are those moments when you question if what you're feeling is real. So, let's say you're 90% sure of your love.

P(A) = .9

You're always going to question the feelings of your significant other, no matter what they tell you - because let's face it, it's human nature. Unless there's a meter on his heart that I can actually see, his sweet and loving words will never be 100 percent true. Let's say you're about 80% sure of his love.

P(B) = .8

So when you're 90% sure that you love him and 80% sure that he loves you, it's safe to say that the chances of one of you loving the other is pretty damn high.

P(A or B) = P(A) + P(B) - P(A and B)

= .9 + .8 - .72 = .98

Well shit, 98% is a really good percentage. Yes, but that's the chance of one of you loving the other, not both.

The number that really matters - P(A and B) - the probability that you BOTH love each other.

P(A and B) = .9 x .8 = .72

72 freaking percent. Yeah, that's passing. But is that enough when it comes to matters of the heart?

When it comes down to it, the odds of you both loving each other is always lower than that of one way love. So, hell yes, I'm going to question things! I know feelings can't be dumbed down to numbers, but the probabilities always work out that way - unless you're both 100% sure of your love.

In that rare and special case, it's safe to say that it comes down to that well known equation that we heard 2gether sing on MTV throughout our adolescent years:

You + Me = Us.

I know these equations don't answer whether or not your relationships will work out. But, maybe - just maybe - they might serve as some empirical proof that you're not insane for feeling all your uncertainties.

My brother, James, wrote this about relationships a while back. I think it's more than deserving of a revival.

“Pooh!” He whispered. “Yes Piglet?” “Nothing, I just wanted to be sure of you.“

The great thing about children stories is that they can simplify life’s big questions into a simple little quote. I think what this one means is that even when the people closest to your are right there, right next to you, you want to be sure they’re really there. The scariest thing about relationships is that they are so intangible. You can’t see it, touch it, measure it; how do you know that it’s there? You can coast through your days thinking that you have it, but all the while it could be drifting away. Or it could be right where you thought it is. You never know for sure, and that’s the point.So every now and then, to ease our own uncertainty, we have to reach out for reassurance that the other person is there. There, there. Once you get a reply, it makes life a bit easier.

So, Pooh!

Hello Freedom

The unemployment rate rose to above 10% this week, making it comparable to the job conditions of the great depression, and Obama just signed a bill to extend unemployment benefits. Not exactly a good sign. It's a tough time to be a recent college grad. I know most of my fellow unemployed 22 year olds out there are thinking to themselves, "Fuck, why the hell did I even go to college." Well here's a tiny little silver lining to the current situation (I mean, it's small, but you take what you can get in this economy) - you're actually, really, probably for the only time in your life - free. Yeah, I know it's more of a forced freedom, most of us would rather be working a 9-5 than sitting at home, doing whatever the hell we're doing.

But, think about it - you can do WHATEVER you want. Yeah, most of us lack the funding for the infinite possibilities, but start small. Do what you've always wanted, find out what you love. I know it's been a short time since I walked across that stage and got handed my fake diploma, but how I think has changed exponentially. On June 12th, 2009, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I would have honestly done anything. Somewhere along the past five months, thanks to my unlimited free time, I discovered where my passion was. And as nerdy as it may sound, it was in finance. I also realized that despite my college education, I was nowhere near where I needed to be to pursue the career that I wanted. So I took charge and now I'm studying for one of the hardest things I've ever experienced in my life. But I know that once it's done, I will have taken a huge step towards being prepared to do what I love. And I honestly believe that if I had not had this time to figure out who I was, I would be in a dead end job that I hated.

The economy will get better, eventually, because it's a cycle, and what goes down really does come back up, with time. What do you do now while you're waiting? Go find yourself. Go do things you'll never have the chance to do again. Learn a new language, pack up all your things and travel, empty out your bank account and buy a one way plane ticket, start a non-profit, learn a musical instrument, anything. You have no responsibilities and no obligations - except to yourself. I know it's a small silver lining, but it reminds me to look forward to the sunshine after the storm.